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The Magick of Me

Updated: Jan 6, 2022

I was gifted some new decks recently and it has really motivated me to get back into a daily practice that has been missing from my life for several months.

I still live intuitively, but I hadn't been making time for myself each morning to be still and connect with the divine, like I had been. My life didn't fall apart, but I knew how much better I'd feel once I was prioritizing my meditation space again.

Every reading I do has connection to my life in a way that is relevant and moving. But every now and then, I do a reading that is so emotionally powerful that I just end up sobbing. Overcome with gratitude for my prayers, my questions, my worries to be heard, and answered so quickly.

For those of you that don't know, I use both Tarot and Oracle cards, different moon phases, astrology, numerology and my own intuitive knowing to guide and redirect my life. My growth over the past few years has been astronomical because I have shifted the focus from external (what I have in the physical world/material possessions) to internal (how much I know about myself, my patterns, belief structures and personal connection with source energy/the original creator of my soul/the Universe).

I have had to question so many hard-wired belied patterns and challenge my perspective on things to know how I truly feel about everything around me, and it has been a lonely road at times. Don't get me wrong, I've loved all of the learning, thinking, arguing I've done with myself because it is rewarding to me--I am a trained philosopher, after all.

All if that being said, this Scorpio season has been rather difficult for me. The mutable water in me is easily poured into the darker depths of death and transformation in Scorpio, in general. But I have Jupiter Rx in Scorpio in my natal chart, at a trine with my North Node in Cancer, and my Sun in Pisces. This combined with the 11/11 portal and the full Beaver blood moon/lunar eclipse in Taurus, which is in my 12th house and holds both my Chiron and Sedna means I have been going through it!!!

I've been worried about how and IF I am worthy (Chiron) of being supported financially (Jupiter/Taurus) and being able to be loving and present with my family (Cancer NN), as that is my top priority.

I've had insecurities about making enough, being patient enough, being driven and inspired enough; I've worried if my creations were meaningful enough, desired enough, affordable enough; I've second guessed and doubted myself over if I'm entertaining, attractive and exciting (enough) to be able to engage with people interested in me, and to confidently promote myself, my ideas, my items.

It has been exhausting and even though I've worked on mindset and beliefs for all of them, I still hit blocks and go through dark nights of the soul and existential despair. The "who am I and what the fuck am I doing" still hits me when I can't see my way forward clearly. To live intuitively just means that you take action that is logical and planned, but you leave a wide berth for changes, and can easily put your trust in forces you cannot see, that you believe have your best interests at hand always.

So in that regard, my current healing processes is aimed at my root chakra (the color red) to help me clear out any childhood beliefs/trauma/experiences that have caused me to subconsciously limit and self-sabotage myself. This is where my fears of security, stability, feeling safe to be seen and heard and not hurt/attacked/manipulated all reside. I am trying to find the memories (and past lifetimes/ancestral wounding in dream time) to replay, acknowledge and shift my perspective on, which is healing for that wound, that pattern, that belief.

So needless to say, today's card draws left me pretty choked up.

Self -Love: "Let the wall fall that separates me from my own vulnerable inner child. I long to take care of myself like never before!"

Freedom: "I no longer want this fiery ring of resentment to block the Good. Release me from its bonds."

Ease: "It's easy for me to receive. It's easy for me to receive. It's easy for me to receive. It's easy for me to receive. " (3rd time I've pulled this one in 4 days)

Six of Swords: "You are in a state if transition--a physical move, a rite of passage, or a mental shift of some kind. You are leaving behind what was familiar and comfortable to move towards the unknown. This is essential for your growth."

The Universe has my back.

There is nothing sexier than my authentic truth.

I'm unapologetic about what I desire and trust that what I focus on will grow.

When I'm in alignment with the love of the Universe, peace cannot be disrupted.

So why were these cards so moving to me today? Because when looked at as a whole, these cards are telling me that I am on the right path and I will be successful in healing myself as needed to create the life I'm desiring. I don't need to be apologetic about WHO I AM, or WHAT I WANT. I am WORTHY and deserving of it all, and doing the healing work on my inner child, and releasing trauma and limiting expectations will be the transformation (spiritually, energetically, mentally, emotionally) that I am working so hard for. I am supported and it is easy for me to receive everything I desire. AND this transformation is happening NOW. Fast and furious with this full moon/lunar eclipse because how many cards do you see that have a full moon on them? And a red/pink tint? Out of 52 cards that were blindly picked... what are the odds that all four of them would have matching images???

I am so deeply grateful and humbled by this confirmation, this guidance and these messages that give me hope and keep my soul fed. I am so thankful and blessed.

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